hmm
January 30th, 2004It’s been 2 years and nearly 6 months since Danielle left me.
Today, I started packing stuff from the “bottom draw of junk” and a small folded up piece of paper fell out of a book, along with some old, OLD character sheets. I opened it up and it was an optometric prescription from August of 2000 for Dani.
Though I won’t go into details, remembering this prescription now has made a great many things clearer. No pun, really, intended.
My first thought was that there were many things I liked about Dani, and nearly fell into depression, until I realized it wasn’t “loved”. Sure, I was in love with her, and I think, at some point, she was in love with me. Something I read today kinda falls into place for this - being in love with someone isn’t enough. You have to love that person, too. I’m not saying I didn’t love her, don’t get me wrong. I’m just saying that I don’t think we both had both “states” of love for each other at any given point. One day we’d be in love with each other, the next day we’d love each other, and sometimes we’d cross lines - and it usually ended in arguement.
There’s a difference with Kat. There’s not a whole lot about Kat I like - but I’m in love with her for those very reasons - funny that it’s NOT the stuff we argue about. You’d think the opposite.
I love Kat, in the sense that I’ve devoted myself to her, and want to spend my life with her, but I catch myself not giving her love on occasion, when she needs it. And that is probably the largest factor in the occasions I do get depressed. It’s not as often as it used to be, when I was in my late teens and early twenties. Oi. Only old people say that sort of thing.
Anyways, the point is, well.. life is. Nothing more, nothing less. If you worry about your immediate surroundings, and your immediate life, you miss the past, you miss the present, and you’ll never get to the future.
Thank you for putting up with me, Kat.
I love you.