on the ego and the mega-ego
August 16th, 2002The other day, I made a comment to when the concern of “LJ leading to a larger ego” came up. Here’s what I said:
ego - thinking yourself better than 10% of the population of the earth - whether it’s better looking or a better person determines whether or not people will like your ego.
mega-ego - look at just about any anime bad-guy or comedic hero. generally, they have mega-egos. Or - thinking yourself better than 90% of the population - at this level, whether it’s better looking or a better person doesn’t matter, you need deflation.
hmm.. maybe I should make an ego-meter lemming?
and it’s okay to look down on people at times.. sometimes it’s chemical reactions kicking in to prevent/react to depression. sometimes it’s just ’cause that person is a real moron. 
I’ll be honest. Until you have a name I can associate with you, you are “people”. And people are generally mean, dishonest, hurtful, spiteful and even occassionally hateful. I don’t like people. That’s why LJ is good for me - I have a name for everyone, whether it’s a real name, or just a name they made up for LJ. I have something to associate them with, and can just read about what kind of person they are.
Don’t worry about looking down on someone, it’s not a sign of an over-active ego unless you look at them as lesser beings, and not lesser people. To a limit, of course..
Hmm.. I could go for hours on this discussion.
And I think I’ll go further.
I should note, first, I am not a pyschologist. This is just gathered from my observations of people over the years.
First, the importance of a name. Do you know what word a person like to hear more than any other? (This is especially true for women, I don’t know why, maybe it’s the way they think?) Their name. This doesn’t have to be their birth name, some people hate their birth name. It could be a nick name they like, or a name they go by, such as their middle name. Whatever name they identify as themselves, they like to hear it.
I think this goes a long way to say what the ego really is. It’s the identification of self. A strong ego has a strong identification of self. Therefore, what the self identifies as its name will be liked.
There’s another side to the importance of a name. Let me give an example of sorts. If you’ve been in love (and I can say the most of the audience of this has been), how did you react to the name of the one you loved being said? Some may have reacted angrily (out of envy), sadly (out of disappointment/lacking), or even happily (returned love or interest). There’s numerous ways that one could react, those are just a few. That shows how the self identifies names of others it cares for, or thinks it cares for. (Yes, I know that’s a dangler, but I couldn’t think of another way to say it). Think of someone you hate (if you are capable of it, I know some who aren’t), and think about their name. How does that make you feel? Why? Ask yourself this. Some of you it may not matter, some of you will have strong feelings towards that name. Think, why so much importance on a name, when it isn’t the person?
I’ll give a personal example. plays a character that shares my father’s name. When I heard that name, I shocked myself when I felt honored, in a way, instead of angry or hurt, reminded of my father’s death. I may not like the character, but at least folks speak my father’s name again. I suppose that means I’ve grown up since I lost my father, I don’t know.
Next, the “ego”, in terms of “having an ego”. There are several ways this can be seen. Some people think they are better than others, it’s to the degree, and in what way, that matters to me. If someone thinks they’re better than a small population of people, because they’re kinder, more generous, or just an all around good person, that’s great - they deserve it. It’s called self-esteem, not an “ego”. That’s where I’d say falls. Good self-esteem, not an ego.
Then there’s folks I can’t stand. Those that think they’re better than others simply because they’re “better looking’ than a large portion of the population. I can understand some vanity, as long as it’s realistic and grounded. But come on, there are people out there that honestly believe they are the most attractive person on the planet! That’s not vanity - that’s insanity.
On top of that, there’s folks who think they’re just a better person than the majority, or all, of the population. I can’t stand that either. Again, that’s not self-esteem, that’s self-gratification. Some might call it “ego masturbation”.
I have a friend who is talked about behind her back, because folks think she’s self-centered and egotistical. No. She’s not. She’s attractive, knows it, and understands that she’s not the only one. It doesn’t happen much anymore, but I used hear folks talking about her, and I’d tell them to shut up, they don’t know her. I got to know her, and discovered a wonderful person that may have some self-esteem in the area of beauty, but has a bit of a deficit in the area of “good person” self-esteem. Yes, she knows she’s a good person, but she doesn’t give herself the credit she deserves all the time.
Hmm.. I don’t know what else I can say on all this. Hopefully, someone will read this and realize that they’re either, a) more special than they think, b) not as special as they think, and need to come down to earth a little, or c) stop making assumptions without getting to know someone.
I’ll admit, I have fallen victim to “c”, but try hard not to do it. I find it odd that sometimes I end up being the only “geek” who likes, as a person, someone other geeks say is “egotistical”; I also find it odd that I’ve been, on occasion, the only person who was nice to someone that others, basically, picked on.
People suck - egos are ok, though.